Comfortable in Chaos (Lyrics ind description)

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#Recovery #Rap #Opiateawareness #Heroin #Addiction #Treatment #God

My moms in prison and my dads on drugs
Had to fend for myself they never taught me much
Growin up I dont think that I got enough love
So when push came to shove I hit back
Always been afraid but I hid that
This is the story of a little boy
who had to grow up and forget his toys
Mommas on the binge and she drinkin again Tell me
How many things will she destroy
Everybody lookin at me like its my fault
Im 12 you dont need to treat me like an adult
Tellin me my mom is a piece of trash
They stole my innocence and I want it back
Since I was a little kid
They steady fed me Ritalin
To control the mood that I was in
they never taught me discipline
never taught me how to breath
Never taught me how to act
Only told me I was wrong
Only told me I was bad
Whats a kid to do with that
Of course hes gonna be a brat
Had to grow up way to fast
Childhood can never last
These are the type of things that will leave scars
And if you dont heal then you will fall apart
Mood stabilizers and tranquilizers
Were bed time stories and paralyzers
Id lay in my room and stare at the wall
Unable to move or get up at all
Their telling me everything is my fault
My brain must be broken its me who is flawed
But they do not know the things I have seen
Or what its is like when my mother screams
I grew up in chaos thats all that I knew
Whats normal for me might be scary to you
Im used to the violence Im numb to abuse
But that was my life so what could I do
I grew up in chaos its all that I knew
Whats normal for me might be scary to you
Im not scared of a scar Im not scared of a bruise
Im way more afraid to grow up and be you
Who do I see when I look into the mirror
A little boy riddled with fear
Wishin he could dissapear
Cuz if mom drinks beer things will get severe
Confused as to why Im here
Not as happy as we appear
And when my step dad leaves and my mom breaks down its back to my dads for a new school year
It time for me to change again
Act completely different
to make some friends

Even though I feel I dont fit in
When the year is over I will move again
And thats my whole routine
as Soon as I get comfortable I leave
to a new house in a new city with a new dad tell me mom why do you do this to me
Back when I was seven I wanted to go to heaven
I was dealin with depression
and learnin difficult lessons
I never tried to run away
All I really knew was pain
dealin with it everyday
until it all turned to hate
Hate for my mom
Hate for my dad
Hate for the happy life that I never had
Hate for the promises they never kept
Hate for the tears that I cried when I slept
Never thought Id grow to be just like them
But I think about it now it makes so much sense
We are a product of how we were raised
And so we repeat our parents mistakes
Some people are lucky and come out ok
While others get broken and sent to the grave
I will not bow no I will not break
Even if it is more than I can take
I grew up in chaos thats all that I knew
Whats normal for me might be scary to you
Im used to the violence Im numb to abuse
But that was my life so what could I do
I grew up in chaos its all that I knew
Whats normal for me might be scary to you
Im not scared of a scar Im not scared of a bruise
Im way more afraid to grow up and be you
I remember the first time that I got high
I felt peace for the very first time
Yeah you could say that I arrived
It started off so innocently
Just a little booze and a little bit of weed
A little acid and ectacy
A little bit of coke and and little bit of speed
Dont forget oxy and zany
Full steam ahead theres no plan b
Mom and dad get high with me
What a happy family
Im so lucky
On the dinner plates there is no food
Just credit cards and pill residue
As a family this is what we do
Whats normal for me might terrify you
Then I started sellin drugs
and everybody showed me love
I could have just what I want
What a lovely life that was
I was numb So in love with the buzz I forgot who I was never knew I was stuck in a rut

I remember the first time I overdosed
My dad was there in the hospital
But he wasnt there in support of me
He was there cuz he od'd on the same thing
While other kids get to play basketball
I get to sit at home and go thru withdraw
Im sick need a fix yo I feel so rotten
Hopefully mom brings home suboxen
If not Ill ask Dad for oxycotten
Hell come off one if hes got em
If not then Ill have to rob him
How did my life become so toxic?